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06/06/2010 Vivocity
Wednesday, June 09, 2010 10:27 PM
I thought I would like to gather whatever we talked about in those 2 hours and ponder over them. But the more I thought about them, the more discombobulated my thoughts became, and the more confused I got.
But basically, we were discussing about Conditional Love VS Gradual Attraction. I thought this topic was very interesting, because as we went along, it was clear that there is a very fine line between these two. Conditional love might develop into gradual attraction, but at the same time it is very hard to validate this attraction as genuine, because it stemmed from conditional love. Should this relationship be given a shot? I'm pretty undecided about it even now, but I think we should never box our perspectives up, because relationships and emotions are extremely volatile things on their own. Besides, I also thought about the frequency of real mutual attraction. Did many married couples start off by being mutually attracted? Because if they didn't, it could mean that someone was attracted before the other. Which would then lead to many attempts of trying to get the attention of the other person, trying to treat the other person nicer, trying to show the best side of yourself to the other. Which then (I think), is the prequel to conditional love, no? If real, genuine mutual attraction doesn't occur as frequently as we think, then many relationships would have started off the "conditional love" manner. I'm not sure how actual situations are, but I personally believe that it's quite hard for mutual attraction to happen. Walk into a room full of people and it would be relatively easy to find someone you would like to know better, but I think the chances of that person having that same thought are pretty hard to come by.
Another broad topic that came up was the point about boundaries in relationships. The appropriate time to hold hands, to hug, to hold her waist, to kiss. The barriers you'd have to cross for these to happen, and the new ones you'd have to put up to accommodate this new-found liberty with each other. Each person is constantly exploring the possibilities, navigating the boundaries, testing the extremes. And we talked about how the deciding factor was comfort, because it definitely takes time to get used to physical touch from someone else. All these talk made me realize how hard it is to maintain a relationship from beginning to end, how challenging it can get for two people to aim to seek companionship from each other, and yet face decisions like these. It's frighteningly hard.
On the same note, I've just finished re-reading Neil Strauss' "The Game". I thought it was trash the first time round, but revisiting it made me see the point it was trying to make. There's a quote in there by Clare Boothe Luce, "A man has only one escape from his old self: to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes." I think it applies to both men and women. We're just trying to discover something about ourselves in the process of get-togethers and break-ups. It's just that some people learn through love, others through heartbreak.
P.S: Every time I think about relationships, I think of Soldier's Girl. I think everyone should watch it. It's also the reason why Lee Pace is my dream man.
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